Thursday, January 16, 2014

Purpose

I recently stumbled upon this quote: "Where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable." Powerful. And not in an "abuse" abuse way. To me, abuse includes self-loathing..

As many of you have read over the years, I am on a constant mission to find my purpose. I know that I am smart and am still able to do complex algebra ;-) but I have never gotten anywhere careerwise, and that just continues to eat away at me.

A year spent in medical assisting school did nothing to solve the problem. I do work related to my diploma on a sporadic per diem basis. Do I truly enjoy it? sometimes. Has it given me a sense of purpose? probably not.

I am also substituting on a regular basis. That is semi-fulfilling especially when I receive a compliment from a student or teacher. I am quickly becoming one of the "go to" subs.

All is well with that except I know there is so much more that I could be doing :-(  lack of proper degree keeps getting in the way and I have no intention of going back to get another degree as I am rapidly closing in on age 50 and do not need the extra stress..

Do you feel fulfilled in your purpose as a wife and mom - without having a purpose outside of that? Is this something I can ever come to terms with?

Seeing people who are not necessarily the brightest in positions I know I have the intelligence to do - exept that I don't have the right degree makes me want to scream. (my degree is in Business Admin - very broad - too broad!)

It is probably time to cut back on Facebook. Sometimes I'd rather not know what people are doing. I believe in those studies where there is a correlation between time spent on Facebook and an increased downward mood spiral!

Will my frustration with my lack of accomplishment continue to eat away at me? Will my self-loating always be a constant in my life?

Does anyone else feel the same way?


3 comments:

Slamdunk said...

Hang in there Carma. Yes, I feel the same way in that the field I am in is limited because I do not have the right advanced degree. I am caught between not being able to relocate to another area where the job market is better and having kids that are old enough to where we need to be staying put.

The last couple of years I have been fortunate in landing one year appointments, but nothing is ever permanent.

So if you start a club, I'll be a good treasurer.

Enjoy your weekend.

Where the Fur Flies said...

I never, ever dreamed that I'd be where I am today. I like arts, colours, action. I don't like bureaucracy or monotony. And yet, I am the lead of a team who dictates and enforces IT policy within healthcare (which is part of the provincial government in Canada).

This is nowhere near my formal education, so I'm not sure how I got here. But I'm here now, and so specialized that it would be hard to change careers. Am I fulfilled and satisfied? Is this my purpose? I don't know. But, I respect and enjoy the people I work with, I take pride in a job well done and I make enough money to pay most of the bills. I'm guessing that has to be good enough.

Charlotte Klein said...

Yes, I totally understand and I agree with the comment about FB contributing to this. They say it's actually something called FOMO--fear of missing out. Because we see what others are doing, where they are going in their careers, what fun they are having, etc., we start to feel bad about our own purpose in life.

And this is something I am currently struggling with, too. BUT I have decided (for me) that I'll have that itch until I do something to make it better, which means giving back and honing in on my "talents" (writing, social media) and doing something that incorporates animal welfare.

I say this: take all the time you need to be happy in the end. That is what's most important in the end.

XOXO

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